Do you think…if someone were told…

“I will pay you $100 to drive ten miles from where you are now. The only rule is…you can’t look at your phone, not even once.”

Do you think people could do that?

I don’t think many people could. Honestly.

And here’s why?

I do a lot of Door Dash, I am in the car every day for hours at a time. And I see…a ton of stupid drivers, like, a lot. And it’s the same pattern every time. It’s always someone who can’t get to their destination fast enough, dodging in and out of traffic like they’re being held back. Or a bright car that rumbles and squeals way too loud like a grown-up toddler who never got attention. Or even worse, a yacht on a wheels, a massive pickup trucks with blinding beams that tail gate a family minivan driving 7 miles over the speed limit.

Now, I know a good chunk of the defenders will yell…

“He’s just an aggressive driver.”

To which I say…

“Oh, so they’re an a**hole, who thinks their time is more valuable, and will jeopardize the lives of everyone else so they can get to McDonalds seven seconds faster than yesterday?”

That being said…these drivers come and go. They’re not the ones I view as dangerous. I view them as more annoying.

The drivers I really find worrisome are those who…can’t keep their eyes off their phone.

Imagine for a moment, you and I are in the car.

We just picked up an order from Tokyo Steakhouse. $6.50 for 3.5 miles. Not the best, but solid. I’d take those tasks all day.

So…the food is in a box in the backseat floorboard. You’re in the passenger seat.

The windows are down halfway.

No, I can’t turn on the AC…it’s busted, relax. It’s 68 degrees, the breeze is fine.

I turn on my favorite Stephen King discussion podcast, the crew is currently dissecting his 2014 thriller “Revival.” Good book, nice spin on Frankenstein.

We pull out of the parking lot. The GPS shows the destination is west, and the fastest way is to go left. There are two lanes of traffic going both ways, so we play the waiting game. The lanes going west start to empty, sweet. And you can see the lanes going east are slowly starting to empty too. Nice. A few more moments, and we will be able to make the turn.

And then…all of a sudden, a red pickup truck going west zooms into the turning lane and slows to pull into the parking lot we are leaving. There are two cars still coming, so they may have to wait 5 seconds at most before making the turn.

And what do they do…?

The driver stops, looks down at his lap and starts texting or scrolling or reading…no idea, but his attention is no longer on the road. It is on his lap.

And then…the two cars pass leaving him wide open to make the turn.

BUT…FOR SOME REASON…HE CAN’T LOOK AWAY FROM HIS PHONE.

By this point, the highway is empty in both directions.

And as a dude who used to have severe road rage, I have to force myself to NOT PUNCH the horn sometimes. Instead, I do what civilized people do, I talk to him, glaring at him through the windshield, hoping the message gets there before the next round of traffic comes through.

Nope…it doesn’t.

The dude finishes his text message or whatever he is doing, looks at oncoming traffic, then pulls into the parking lot just as they start to pass.

I watch the guy, and as he pulls in, he makes two more glances down at his lap.

And then people wonder why their delivery drivers seem a little pissed off when they deliver their food to their doorstep.

THAT KIND OF SH*T!

And it is always the same pattern.

Drive down the street, look at their phone, drive a little further, stop at a red light, look down, start texting, look up 10 seconds after the light turned green, slowly step on the gas as the light turns red, pull into a turning lane, finish texting, look up as traffic starts to approach, make a hard turn into a fast food drive-thru, stop before the window, look at your instagram, see headlights behind you patiently waiting, swerve slowly into a parking spot, but only halfway, then get offended when someone honks for you to pull all the way in…

And this is where I circle back to that question.

“For $100, could you drive ten miles without looking at your phone?”

No texts, Cheryl.
No “did he reply yet?” Margaret.
No “just checking the score real quick,” David.
No “I need to see the analytics of my LinkedIn ad,” Mark.

Just you…the road…and your own thoughts.

Could you do it? Really?