I was born in 1986. Raised with VHS tapes, hand-me-down clothes, Robin Williams stand-up, nature-heavy jigsaw puzzles, old-school Nickelodeon, bunny-ear antennas, rotary telephones, all-day outdoor adventures, and Super Bowl parties where the men played poker, the women gossiped about soap opera story-lines, and the kids played Super Mario Bros on the Super Nintendo. And let’s not forget about that unexpected sip of dad’s beer.

Good times.

I am, technically, an elder Millennial. The youngest generation to remember life before tech-nerds ran the world. A time before personal computers, Caller-ID, and the internet. I went to see Disney’s The Lion King and Aladdin at the $1 cinema, weeks after they left the “good” movie theater. Like the Boomers and the moon landing, I thought Pixar’s Toy Story was real. I’d circle stuff in the Sears catalogue, knowing I’d only actually get two, three at most.

Oh, and the mall was awesome. Like, for real, it was an all-evening event.

You could browse endlessly, sample Sonic the Hedgehog on the new Genesis, hide behind the controller when the popular girl from school walked past the Circuit City entrance, then sneak off to the Cookie Corner for a (real) sugar cookie. You’d go to the food court, catch an 8 pm showing of Mrs. Doubtfire, and go home. At which point, you’d pretend to sleep until your parents went to bed, sneak downstairs, and try to catch a boob on scrambled HBO.

And then something weird happened.

VHS and cassette tapes became obsolete. Radio Shack became a pawnshop. Blockbuster closed down. Napster and LimeWire pissed off Metallica. Tipper Gore congressionally spanked Prince, Dee Snider and John Denver. Saturday morning cartoons disappeared. Terrifying anti-drug PSAs became the prominent commercial. Y2K, the end of the Mayan calendar, the thinning ozone later, and nuclear war became an every-day topic, and so on.

Side bar: Remember when Facebook was only for universities? Yeah, it was pretty great, and then…they let the Boomers have access. Ugh!

My point is…shit got real, real fast, for Millennials and Gen X. Yet for some reason, Gen X has forgotten that we shared the same experience. Don’t believe me? Just scroll social media, and you’ll come across the irate rant of a forgotten Gen Xer mocking the youth. And these Gen X whistleblowers can’t just talk about an issue either, no, they have to “school you” while doing some random chore, like putting away groceries or folding laundry.

It’s like they are saying “I can’t just tell you why we’re built different, I have to make the world think I’m super busy at all times, and inconvenienced when my ‘camera savy kid’ asks me to perform the script that I’ve rehearsed for the two days.” It’s annoying like the Youtubers who eat while talking about why their Twin Flame has blocked them on Facebook. No one cares that you like mangos, Janet, just tell the f*cking story.

Alright, I’m calm. But here is why I believe Generation X may be the New Boomer.

Millennials have been openly mocked by the Boomers for everything, being lazy, not owning a home, not being financially stable, and so on.

And now it appears that Gen X has picked up the “can you believe these kids?” torch and are currently running with it. The crazy part is…their childhood wasn’t much different from ours.

NOW PRESENTING: A Gen X/Y Showdown

Gen X: “Our parents didn’t just kick us out of the house, they’d lock the door and wouldn’t let us back in until it was dark.”

Most Millennials born before 1992: “Yeah, that was my childhood too.”

Gen X: “We couldn’t come inside for anything, and if we were thirsty, we drank from the hose.”

Millennial: “My aunt locked me out of the house when I was six, and she still talks about it. Oh, and I still drink from the hose., mostly when I’m gardening.”

Gen X: “We were the last generation to know what life was like before the internet. We didn’t grow up with all those gadgets.”

Millennial: “You didn’t have a Gameboy?”

Gen X: “Of course, I had a Gameboy, and obviously, I mastered Paper Boy and Tetris.”

Millennial: “What about Home Alone?”

X: “No, that weird cockroach creature at the end of level 1 always got me. My girlfriend got to level 2 though, but, uh, I didn’t get a cell phone until high school. I had to find a payphone or use the rotary phone at home.”

M: “Yeah, we had a rotary phone too, with the long cord and that one loop that didn’t match the others. Oh, and my mom had one of those thick cordless phones with the retractable antenna, the kind corporate yuppies used to dual with like it was the old West. Pretty sweet.”

X: “Like in the opening scene to Hook with Robin Williams?”

M: “Yep, exactly.”

X: “Ah, good flick.”

M: “I know, right? Oh, and the part when Rufio dies after battling Hook and then tells Peter Pan, “I wish I had a dad, like you.”

X: “You still tear up, don’t you?”

M: “Every time.”

X: “Do people still do that? Dual with cell phones?”

M: “I don’t know…maybe with flip phones.”

X: “True. Anyways, uh, our generation was, what you would call, feral.”

M: “Meaning?”

X: “Meaning that every day after school. I was left unaccompanied. All by myself. I was King of the castle…until mom got home from work around 6 pm and cooked dinner.”

M: “I can relate to that. My parents were of the, uh, helicopter persuasion, but yeah, my sister and I had a key to the house and were home alone when things got busy.”

X: “Oh yeah, well, if we wanted music in our cars, we couldn’t just download it from iTunes, we had to illegally rip it from Napster, then burn it to a CD like a real rebel.”

M: “I was more a LimeWire guy, but yeah I did that. Did you ever record songs from the radio onto cassette tapes.”

X: “You know it.”

M: “Nice, so we are kinda similiar.”

X: “Uh, we didn’t grow up with participation trophies like you.”

M: “I never received one of those. In fact, they didn’t go mainstream until after Y2K, right?”

X: “Then how come all of those little league soccer games I refereed ended in orange slices and participation trophies?”

M: “Those games were run by Baby Boomers.”

And Scene…Roll Credits.

Okay…yes, I’ve talked a lot of sh*t, but if I’m being honest, I do it because I care. I respect Gen X like whoa. No joke. You were ignored, yes, and you had to deal with a lot of nonsense.

In many ways, you paved the way for us. Took arrows most of us didn’t know about until we were older. And I’d argue most of the issues Boomers have with kids these days were first aimed at you guys. The difference was…Gen X told the Boomers to fuck off.

Millennials, we just took it like good little worker ants, internalized it too much, and became resentful, which may be why so many of us are perceived as “weak.” But we are growing up, now that must of us are almost 40.

You helped raise the Millennials, and I for one thank you. It wasn’t your job, but when we needed you, you stepped up. When the Boomers, and all of their money, went to the Alps for weeks on end or threw swinger’s parties with neighbors, you were the ones who watched us after school, made sure we did our homework, rocked us to sleep with Enter Sandman, made sure we were safe. You taught us how to interact with girls, the meaning of lifelong friends, and how to successfully lounge/listen to Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Green Day.

You guys did a lot of great things for the Millennial generation, which is why it pains me and other millennials to see Gen X go down that same Boomer avenue.

So, here’s my point…Boomerism is a behavior, it can be avoided. In fact, there are plenty of non-Boomer Boomers out there, my parents included… they’re called Bloomers, and they get it. The main thing that sets them apart is…Gratitude, and a little thing King Solomon once said…

“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, but the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous.”

Proverbs 13:22 (New Kings James Bible)

Remember King Solomon? You do? Good, cuz that guy…got it. I mean, Act 2 of his life got pretty dark, but seriously throughout Act 1 and Act 3, he was straight-up crushing.

But yeah, Boomerism is a behavior and can be easily bypassed with some perspective.

Alright, Gen X, home-stretch.

We, Millennials, legit look up to you, that’s why we (or mainly just me) roll our eyes when you start complaining about dumb shit YOU USED TO DO TOO…okay, last one, sorry.

Here’s my point, Gen X, you have the potential, nay, the birthright to become the greatest generation of the modern era. You can, by your powers combined, can truly affect change. You saw what the Boomers did to the housing market, you saw how they made student debt unpayable, you know how they bitch about inflation and rising costs of living–but take out more loans which drives up inflation–then tell the youth that they need to work harder…

BUT more importantly, you can see their reign in starting to come to an end. And fast. You’re next in line for the Crown, Gen X, you’re being prepped to take over. And when that time comes, please remember your roots, and be better than the Boomer. As an elder Millennial who grew up in awe of how defiant Gen Xers were, I’m looking forward to how you all change the world as you slowly take over the economy, the government, and everything else.

We are rooting for you, Gen X.